I’m back from France and ready to start a new semester of work and play. Ok, more work than play, but still. Turning 36 in a month´s time and since I´ve been obsessing about getting older for a while now, I made up my mind that as long as there´s enough champagne, I will survive! 😉
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happy
Finally!
I can barely believe it, spring is finally here! You have no idea how long I´ve been waiting for it, walking around in tiny jackets and freezing my b* off! But yesterday it finally came to town!
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“Martisor”
Today I´ve had a bad day
And I don´t only mean
A bad hair day,
But the kind of day
When your fears
Are palpable,
When all your sadness
Resurfaces from some
God forgotten place
And biblical guilt
Haunts you
Until you want to scream
And say “I give in”!
All this turmoil
Makes me tired,
Makes me want to crawl
Back into my shell
Where it doesn´t matter
If you´re good or bad
`Cause you´re miserable anyways.
But I fight it.
I´ve been so happy
These past few days,
I threw myself at happiness
Like it wasn´t deceitful
Like I believed I could do it.
Nothing´s changed, though
It might be the “MARTISOR”-
The Romanian way
Of celebrating spring,
There´s no sign of spring here, you see-
And my anxiety gets the best of me.
March, 2016
Happy again
Life sure has a way of catching you off guard and surprise the hell out of you. Just when you´ve given it all up and diagnosed yourself as a hopeless misfit, you find yourself happy again. At first it´s such a new emotion you don´t know what to do with it, or with yourself, for that matter. You panic, you cry, you break down. Just in case it needs to be done. Because it´s so beautiful it can´t possibly last. And you know what a hole it will leave in your existence if it doesn´t. But then it´s so good, so patient and so persistent, not asking anything from you that you´re not ready to give, not leaving you waiting, not playing with your feelings, not fucking it all up. So after a while you give in. 😉 And this very feeling is what makes life worth living, I swear!
Strike out
Strike out everything I wrote yesterday,
It´s the meds, it´s the meds!
The nausea, the vertigo and the sweaty palms,
I might just do happy after all.
Phew! There´s still hope for a 35 years old neurotic-
I keep telling myself that
One day I might even start believing it.
February 2016
Sadness
I´ve been feeling sad today
And I can neither blame it on PMS,
Nor on the feeling of unrequited love.
I don´t really know why I´m sad now
Meaning if I´m sad because I´m sad,
Or if I´m sad because I´m happy
And since happy is not a familiar place,
I hurry back to sad
Because I can do sad better.
Am I this broken, or is this normal?
Listening to Amy Winehouse-
“At least I´m not drinking”, she sings-
I wish I could drink myself senseless,
So I don´t feel a damn thing
Feeling is overrated,
My depression seems alluring now.
February 2016
Xmas Eve and Xmas Brunch
Christmas in Norway is entirely destined to family. Whereas in Romania you´re expected to be at home during the day, but can choose go out for a drink with friends in the evening, in Norway, most places are closed and the city turns into a ghost town. It´s literally like in Oliver Twist, you can walk around peeping inside people´s apartments and see them dining and feasting and you´ll feel like the loneliest person alive. 
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Again
“You tick a lot of boxes”, you said
I like that, it´s a new one
The saying things we wouldn´t say in our 20s
Like “No bullshit, please, I´m too old for that!”
“What would make you happy?”
I´m wondering sometimes
Me! I´d make me happy
If I just found out who I was for sure.
I went to the movies on my own last week
So much choice, what a treat!
I´ll be going again on Saturday
It´s part of the process, I guess
Not sure about the process,
Loving the movie part, though.
December, 2015
Weekend
Although we´re celebrating orthodox Easter this weekend, the Norwegian Easter break is over and our friends are back from Nice. So we got together over dinner and wine at our place to start the weekend right. Sammy was very happy to see them both and was all over the place with joy! 😉 And so were we! They came with stories of the Mediterranean, of 20 degrees in the shade and of antique markets. We have to go there together!
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Good Friday
This year we´re so lucky as to have 6 days off for Easter! 🙂 And since we stayed in Oslo and the weather has been on our side, we thought we´d take Sammy for nice trips here and there and enjoy our time together as a family. Now I won´t lie to you by saying that I couldn´t imagine a better Easter and that leaving town is overrated, ´cause I´d love to be somewhere nice and warm right now! However, since we´re heading to Romania in a month´s time and my father is visiting at the end of next week, we might as well make the best of our “staycation”, as they call it these days. 😉
life in a bubble 