Life sure has a way of catching you off guard and surprise the hell out of you. Just when you´ve given it all up and diagnosed yourself as a hopeless misfit, you find yourself happy again. At first it´s such a new emotion you don´t know what to do with it, or with yourself, for that matter. You panic, you cry, you break down. Just in case it needs to be done. Because it´s so beautiful it can´t possibly last. And you know what a hole it will leave in your existence if it doesn´t. But then it´s so good, so patient and so persistent, not asking anything from you that you´re not ready to give, not leaving you waiting, not playing with your feelings, not fucking it all up. So after a while you give in. 😉 And this very feeling is what makes life worth living, I swear!
panicky
Strike out
Strike out everything I wrote yesterday,
It´s the meds, it´s the meds!
The nausea, the vertigo and the sweaty palms,
I might just do happy after all.
Phew! There´s still hope for a 35 years old neurotic-
I keep telling myself that
One day I might even start believing it.
February 2016