Parenthood

It’s been raining since last night

I heard it when I woke up at 5

To give you the last milk bottle-

Your hands were playful,

But your eyes were still sleepy

I kissed your forehead

And put you back to bed

Between the rabbits and the squid

You reached for the pacifier

And grabbed the squid’s tentacle with your tiny hand.

It was still raining when you woke us up

Just before the alarm started ringing

And I brought you to our bed to cuddle.

You grabbed your father’s nose and reached for my hair

And said something that resembled oh, hi there.

It’s still raining and you’re taking your second nap

I’m all by myself wrapped in my longing cloak

All day I dream of minutes filled with silence

And when you sleep all I can hear is you…

All days are filled with so much of the same,

The uniformity of it all is so draining,

And yet I have so much patience

Where does all this patience come from

I never though I would make a good parent

I never knew how to even be good to myself

Before you came along.

September 2020, Oslo

Evolving

 

Today I feel like writing. Not a poem or a short story, the way I often do lately, not even a text accompanying an “artistic” picture that sends me back on a trip to memory lane, I feel like writing a bit about myself and my life. Well, what do you know, you’ll probably say, isn’t it the only thing you do? 😉 Well, I read somewhere (I can’t remember where for the life of me), I read about this universal question and its universal answer- “What makes your problems bigger than anybody else’s?” “Because they’re mine!”- and what can I say,  it’s the perfect description.

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The Future is Now

I’m in a good place in my life- I feel loved and I love him back, with a peace of mind only possible in adulthood, not at all reminiscing of the exhausting experiences in my early twenties, when I was losing sleep and energy over a phone that didn’t ring or a date that was 3 hours late. If you haven’t experienced that, you should consider yourself lucky, I for one have been through it all- reciprocated love, unrequited love, hate, addiction, Platonic love, you name it. But not anymore. Now I love the way I probably should have from the beginning had I only known how. One of my earliest memories of not being like everybody else was when I kept wondering how it was possible for the parents of one class mate to love him as long as he had spectacles. I mean, I was probably 7 and that was what was going through my head, how you had to be perfect in order to be loved. :-/ Anyways.

Although I don’t feel particularly professionally accomplished (I know you’ve heard that before!), I’m investing time and money in my hobbies, I’m traveling and I’m reading like never before, I feel the world at my feet, the only thing I have to do is grab it by the tail! And that I am, every day is sort of an adventure, a small adventure, that is, ’cause I still need my naps, but these days I’ve been driving outside town with a friend for props- a marble board and old wooden boards- popped by thrift stores for antiques and styled my own little “tableaux”, with more or less luck. And today I’ve baked bread, not that I hadn’t done that before, but the kind of old-fashioned round bread, the no knead one. And boy, was it lovely!

 

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Rome

I’m back from a long weekend in Rome and it was amazing. And it makes me think about all the things that change and how we perceive everything differently with age. My first time in Rome was in 2007 and I didn’t love it. I remember walking around with V and asking each other- “Do we love it now?” and the answer was still no, even after 7 days of wandering around streets lined up with orange trees. I don’t know what it was that didn’t do it for me then- maybe the fact that it was February, the streets still flooding with tourists, maybe the fact that I’d caught a cold, maybe the fact that the city centre was outrageously overpriced and that we didn’t have that much money with us then. Or maybe it was just the expectations.

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Love

You catch my eye

Like the candle flame

Fluttering before it dies

Beautiful and frail.

 

I reach out for you

Your skin feels like sun beams

I burn my finger tips in longing.

 

 

In your smile

I see the truths lined up

Like fir trees

Waiting to be picked up

To a joyful Christmas home.

 

December 2016

 

December

Hi, peeps! What’s up? I’m dead tired after working alone yesterday, whisper interpreting for many hours on end is the worst and my throat is still sore. So I called it a day off, took Sammy to the woods and now I’m planning to dose off on the couch for an hour or so. 😉Skjermbilde 2016-12-01 12.13.19.png Continue reading

November mood

I survived a couple of intense weeks, including commuting for 3 h every day four days this week, but that left me completely without energy. And so my plan for today is to walk Sammy, Netflix, nap, Hbo, nap again, drink mulled wine and scratch my crotch. (not literally, of course) And then bake some pizza and espresso cookies. (recipe tomorrow)Skjermbilde 2016-11-19 17.21.57.png Continue reading