I’m back from a long weekend in Rome and it was amazing. And it makes me think about all the things that change and how we perceive everything differently with age. My first time in Rome was in 2007 and I didn’t love it. I remember walking around with V and asking each other- “Do we love it now?” and the answer was still no, even after 7 days of wandering around streets lined up with orange trees. I don’t know what it was that didn’t do it for me then- maybe the fact that it was February, the streets still flooding with tourists, maybe the fact that I’d caught a cold, maybe the fact that the city centre was outrageously overpriced and that we didn’t have that much money with us then. Or maybe it was just the expectations.
Summer is gone. Instead, the rain has come and washed over its last traces, making me cringe inside and not feel like leaving the house. Fortunately, Sam is with me and I have to walk him, otherwise, I would have invented any number of excuses not to get wet. I don’t have rubber boots any more, I threw them out when I moved, suddenly they felt ugly and dirty (they were red!) and I couldn’t be bothered to clean them up. haha! Now I need to find a pair of black ones, so the dirt won’t show.
This days all I ever feel like doing is write, but it seems I have nothing to write about. It feels like stories are buried under my skin, where the thought can’t touch them, they need to be lured out and I don’t know how. Also I don’t feel like disclosing anything about anyone close to me, so all I can write about is me, but I don’t exist in a void, I’m a contextual person, so you see my dilemma.
The rain depresses me, I hate getting wet. There’s a grey mist outside my window and the cobwebs are heavy with rain drops. Some days I could give up the whole city for the prospect of living in a house with a small garden. I miss having a cat and I miss having a garden. I grew up in a house with my grandma until I was 13. There were not many flowers to speak of in our garden, but we had the freedom to step outside and sit under the quince tree. In spring the lilac tree was in bloom and in summer we could pick sour cherries straight from the tree. And the quinces started ripening about this time of year. It’s amazing how that never leaves me, I have this recurrent memory of sitting under the quince tree in a T-shirt, dangling my legs.
I should get going. I have lots of errands to run and no energy whatsoever. I could sleep the fall away.
I’ve always been a bit absent-minded, but lately it’s been getting worse and worse. I don’t know if it’s because the last couple of years have been tough on me, if it’s the medicine or if it comes with age, but I hope it’s not going to be like this forever ’cause one day I’m going to find myself in trouble.
happy as f*
Let me just tell you a couple of episodes, so you can see what I mean. A couple of weeks ago I asked a colleague of mine if he’d be willing to take over a case for me, since I’d be in Rome one of those two days. When I was about to send an email and let the court know about the change, it turns out it was in September, not August. And that was a bad day anyway, ’cause I had another trial that day, so I had to give it away only my colleague wouldn’t be able to take it, since he was busy as well.
No Rome pictures, yet, I still haven’t been to eplehuset. But I’ll tell you a bit about our organising the apartment, so it can fit our needs and aesthetics, considering most of my things are in a storage room somewhere.
We’ve ordered a new couch and we’re getting it by mid-October, can’t wait. My old one is in storage (and when moving it I realised it’s pretty well scratched and a bit yellowish, too, so I’ll probably sell it for peanuts afterwards) and F’s is too small for two. I’m not sure it’s this one and the color is grey anyway, but you get the picture. 😉
Also he’s sold and given away a couple of things to make room for mine (hehe!) and now I’m looking at headboards to unburden an old door from its present function. 😉
I’m dreaming of a new rug, too, but I haven’t said that aloud yet. 😉 Was thinking of this one here. What do you reckon?
Last, but not least, we need a new table. His old one is very masculine and I want the apartment to look like we both live here, right? Let’s see what he thinks about the pink one. haha!
Source: Kiil, Ellos, Tannum
I want to write about Rome, in fact I’ve started on the entry already, but I had to stop since I need to change my iCloud (I still share it with V and he’s told me he sees all my pics) and I have no idea how. Nor did I feel like going to town only to fix that, either. Haha! The thing is that when I have lots to do, I get to run a lot of errands, too, but when I have a “day off”, I can’t be bothered to go to town only to run errands. I kind of hate taking public transportation and going to crowded places if I don’t have to. Especially if Sam is with me, he’s my alibi. 😉
These days I feel so relieved. I don’t owe anybody anything any more, except for gratitude to the ones who remained my friends and family until the end. I don’t have a mortgage anymore, nor do I have to take into account my ex husband’s finances, whom I still care for very much, but who is no longer my responsibility. In fact nobody is (in that way) and I’m nobody else’s responsibility than my own. And that’s so liberating I want to climb on a mountain top and scream: Yuhuuu!
Ca-ching! The money came in yesterday and so ended my period of austerity and social unrest. haha! 😉 And since a celebration was in order, I, Sam and Corina decided to go on a small berry picking adventure. I haven’t had so much fun in ages!