What is motherhood if not a quest into the unknown? It feels like I’ve been waiting for this my entire life and yet I have no notion of what’s in store for me. I only know that dreams become smaller and little joys bigger.
As I was hinting in the other entry, this year might have some exciting things in store for us. But since I’m not yet sure of anything, I can’t share too much. All I can say is that my spirits are sky high and so is my appetite for life. It’s like I’m suddenly drawing energy from a secret place within myself- hello, this is so unfair, I’ve been struggling on a minimum fuel level for the last 10 years now!
Today I feel like writing. Not a poem or a short story, the way I often do lately, not even a text accompanying an “artistic” picture that sends me back on a trip to memory lane, I feel like writing a bit about myself and my life. Well, what do you know, you’ll probably say, isn’t it the only thing you do? 😉 Well, I read somewhere (I can’t remember where for the life of me), I read about this universal question and its universal answer- “What makes your problems bigger than anybody else’s?” “Because they’re mine!”- and what can I say, it’s the perfect description.
From being a city girl from my fingers to my toes, in just 6 months, I can’t even imagine my life without a spectacular view anymore. Although it takes a while to get to the city centre and I can no longer walk everywhere, I simply love living here, not to mention Sam, who’s delighted in every sense of the word.
That being said, we’re still looking for a bigger place, it would be nice to have a spare room and throw a party every now and then without feeling that we’re literally sitting on each other’s laps. 😉 But either we can’t really afford whatever is out there or what’s out there is way under our standards.
These days I feel so relieved. I don’t owe anybody anything any more, except for gratitude to the ones who remained my friends and family until the end. I don’t have a mortgage anymore, nor do I have to take into account my ex husband’s finances, whom I still care for very much, but who is no longer my responsibility. In fact nobody is (in that way) and I’m nobody else’s responsibility than my own. And that’s so liberating I want to climb on a mountain top and scream: Yuhuuu!
There are few things I love more than my mother country in summer. The poppy fields, lounging with bubbles in a beer garden, visiting my grandma in the countryside and eating all kinds of fruit straight from the source, coffee breaks with my friends, dinners with my family, the sweet scent of linden and honeysuckle, children playing in the parks, to name a few.
Yupi yey! The weather’s been amazing these last couple of days and, as if I’d grown a pair of wings, I’ve managed to be both efficient and happy. Or manic, if you will. 😉 That would probably cover them both. 😉 Haha! Continue reading