Sending happy thoughts and hoping for spring! 😉 This week has been good to me and I’m hoping for a fabulous weekend to top it! 😉 So far I’ve had lunch with Gordana in one of my favourite restaurants- Taste of China, that recently moved to new and beautiful premises by the Oslo City Council-, I got my Sammy back yesterday and we’ve cuddled lots and now I’m making some yummy couscous with marinated chicken just to celebrate I’m alive and still very much in love with my guy. 😉
As I’ve often mentioned in my posts, I suffer from chronic depression. It’s not the “worsest” kind, meaning I’ve never been sectioned, I’ve never not gotten out of bed and I’m pretty well-functioning when on medication (which I sometimes forget to take, but for which I’m otherwise grateful as hell). Nevertheless, I have a condition I have to take into account in my daily life as it often makes me tired, have little patience for things and people I don’t care for too much, renders me short tempered and often struggling to give a f*. haha!
On top of my regular and manageable depression, I have this seasonal depression. Or my already existing depression gets worse in winter. Which wouldn’t be such a problem if winter wasn’t never-ending in Norway. It’s no secret I don’t like winter- It’s cold and dark, I don’t ski and I don’t enjoy being outside too much, as I easily freeze and I’m very vain, so I never put on enough clothes. haha! Consequently, pretty much everything I do in winter is because I have to. I have to walk Sammy, I have to get out of the house, otherwise I know I’ll get crazy, I have to buy groceries, I have to go to work. But every once in a while, the sun comes out and life is so much easier. It’s not a question of “have to anymore”, but of “want to”. So I’ve made a little list with things that aid me see the world in prettier colours, also on a grey winter’s day, hoping you’ll find it helpful, too:
I woke up early-ish, happy to have the place for myself for an hour or so, made some coffee and moved around barefoot in my black silk gown, getting a glimpse of the sun from different corners of the large windows. I read the paper, I had some coffee, the world was a good place to be.
Then I took Sam out for a walk, he’d started some serious howling and followed me around into the kitchen, to the bathroom, opened the door with his snout and howled some more. Ok, okey. “Let’s go out”, I said. I didn’t check the weather and I put on too little clothes (what’s new?!) and consequently froze half to death which turned me into a terrible grinch.
I’ve been feeling like crap since 10:30am and I can’t even begin to fathom why. I feel I should be putting a bit more effort into this “enjoying” winter, but all I ever feel like is drinking cocoa and staying inside. Today I should vacuum and wash the floors and bake and read and this and that, but instead I grrr. I’m not even sad, I’m just grr.
Outside it’s sunny and I and Sam were supposed to go ice-skating on a frozen lake with our friend Gordana and her girls and I let them all down without a real reason, other than I just don’t feel like it. I’m having a hard time accepting my moods, I’m worse now than back when I was a teenager, at least no one ever expected a teenager to be reliable, but a 36 years old should.
Maybe I’ll go out for a coffee, maybe I’ll have a nap. Only crap on Netflix and the book I’m reading is so sad, I feel like slapping the girl for not falling for a better guy than that one.
Vast fields of nothingness are sweeping over me, I feel tired without having done a thing and broken without ever having functioned. My mind is a marsh and I’m trying not to fall into it. Nothing seems alluring at all.
I´ll put on another load of laundry. At least I’ll have clean clothes when I decide to leave the house.
xxx, Alina
Image borrowed from: http://universe.byu.edu/2014/01/14/beating-the-winter-blues1/
Awaiting a real winter or maybe spring, I find it hard to tell the days apart and all I feel like is sleep under the covers. Work has been scarce up until now, but by next week I’ll be back on track and that’ll at least take my mind off the winter blues. I could pack a suitcase and run away with my love to Cuba, where a fellow blogger just spent what seem to have been glorious days.
In my desire to cope with my severe winter apathy and in my longing for the mother country, however far and cold and unfriendly, I stumbled upon the photographic work of Dan Cristian Mihailescu and I found some deliverance.
It’s the deserted landscapes that appeal to me, you get the feeling that when winter sets in, human presence recedes. In its desolation, the beach and its rocks seem to cling to life in a desultory manner. 
I long for an empty field, where winters come and go and leave only traces of seagull steps in the snow. 
Source: http://www.danmihailescu.ro
Hi, how are you all? I´ve been down with the flu for the the better part of last week and it´s been horrendous. And as if being inactive wasn´t a bore in itself, laying in bed for so many days in a row threw out my back, too! Every inch of my body hurt, I could barely breathe and I either froze or had hot flashes, in fact I had to change the sheets so many times I didn´t have anything to put on the bed in the end!;-)
Hi, how are y’all? Thank you for hanging in there with me, I´ve been pretty emotional on the blog lately, haven´t I? I can´t wait for the day when I´ll feel up to writing about pretty dresses and pretty shoes again, I tell ya! I´m not there yet, though. 😉 It´s still a bumpy road here, although most days are good now and not the other way around. 
Morning! The cold has softened and it´s easier to be outside without feeling that you´re losing your nose. Also there´s no wind, so my eyes stopped watering, which is such a relief, ´cause I was walking around with frozen eyelashes all the time. 😉
These days, my favourite time of the day is when I´m not awake. It´s when I don´t feel a thing, or at least I don´t know that I do. I sleep with my head under the covers, so as not to let the cold slip in.
The snow has managed to put a lid on my emotions and I feel passive and tired yet again. In a way it´s preferable to this tornado of sentiments that I don´t know what to do with anyways. Let it be sleep. I could sleep for a couple of months. Just let things slide by.
“Don´t forget the shoes!”
The shoes, right!
Or else I´d have to walk bare-footed,
I´d probably burn my feet
On the ice.
“Don´t forget your coat!”
The coat, right!
I´ll keep that in mind
I should sew my buttons, too
It´s getting colder by the day.
Never mind, never mind,
There´s no place for so much feeling
The internet is flooded with words
And people in their right mind suffer secretly.
“People, you say?”
What do I care about people?
I´m my own people
My own species and my own kind.
I have no filter.
January, 2016
Stories and Anecdotes by Sharron Little Burnett
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