Writing is all I feel like doing. It´s exhausting to be me these days, I could use a break. I need to get my shit together and that ASAP. I just don´t know where to start. I´m so tired, I keep cancelling my appointments, I barely feel like seeing friends.


I saw you again today, I´ve never seen anybody this sad in my entire life. It felt like having my guts kicked out. Why do we stop loving? And how do we dare go on the same road again? How do we ever dare place our soul into someone else´s hands?

I´ve cried so much it´s a wonder there´s anything left inside. I can feel my heart´s contractions when there´s no purpose in doing anything else but cry. Where are the tears coming from, I want to drain their well once and for all!

You´ll bounce back. You´ll be strong and beautiful again, my love. And somebody else will love the hell out of you. Maybe someone else will love me, too. This charming, but unlovable mess. I should start by loving myself. But again, where do I begin, when all I feel is contempt?

xxx, Alina





When I sleep

These days, my favourite time of the day is when I´m not awake. It´s when I don´t feel a thing, or at least I don´t know that I do. I sleep with my head under the covers, so as not to let the cold slip in.

The snow has managed to put a lid on my emotions and I feel passive and tired yet again. In a way it´s preferable to this tornado of sentiments that I don´t know what to do with anyways. Let it be sleep. I could sleep for a couple of months. Just let things slide by.


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