A friend of mine read yesterday’s entry and said I should drink more sherry- ahaha! And after rereading it, although I can still stand for everything I wrote, I realized it was a bit me me me- ahaha. And the ones of you who know me well, you know that I might come across as a bit self-centered- again haha. As a friend of mine put it, it’s the anxiety. I sure hope so. ‘Cause God knows it’s not a trait I particularly favor, but I can’t seem to do much about it. For now.
There is a Norwegian saying I like very much- everybody stands closest to themselves. And although it’s not meant in a positive way, I kind of agree. Translated into my writing, you write about the things you know of and about your own feelings. Although I am now a mother and I have another person through whom I can see the world. And I do. Don’t think that I don’t. Although I complain about motherhood incessantly, I am there for her every minute of the day. I do whatever is expected of me and ten times more. It’s just that somehow I end up giving all I’ve got and that’s when I need to write about the dissolution of me.
I’m sitting by the fireplace, in front of my favorite mirror, a blanket on my legs, all that’s missing from this winter tableau is a cat purring on my lap. And I have to admit it, it’s when I catch my breath that I feel overwhelmed by happiness. That I feel fulfilled. But that doesn’t mean I’m not in seventh heaven when my daughter calls for me from the living-room, when I’m busy busy making coffee in the kitchen, mommy’s here, I answer softly while hurrying back to the couch. She’ll take my face into her tiny hands and utter Mamma with such candor, that I swear I’ve never felt love this pure.
It’s just that the days are long and filled with much of the same and there’s so little time for me in all this. I was actually thinking the other day, for the first time in ages all I want from the new year is my f* driver’s license and some me time. Time to have a bath, time to do my nails, time to get bored. What happened to that bit? And be honest, don’t you miss it, too?
Time to go. I need to vacuum some more, wash some clothes by hand (the wool program just gets our clothes filthy instead of clean), bake some rolls and take a nap. We’re going to the doctor’s to examine the blemishes on her chin and then coming home to tomato soup.
PS. F bought a sled and I invited some friends for lunch and sledging on Sunday in order to make sure that I’ll survive the coming 3 days off. What are you up to? Maybe I’ll get some inspiration..
Hi again! Long time, no see, I hope you’re all doing well! Today I feel like writing, so I’ll grant you my thoughts. 😉
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been in and out of a state of existential anxiety. The one that has to do with my choices in life, my studies and my career. Or the lack of the latter, the arbitrariness of it all, the fact that working as an interpreter is only a way of making money, that it doesn’t lead anywhere. Not that I need a fancy title and an office, but it would be nice to get some acknowledgement. It is an important work and a difficult one, too and the unpredictability of it is both a burden and a blessing. I know I’ve been writing this stuff for the past 6 years, but bear with me. Now it feels different on account of the Corona pandemic and Madeleine. I feel I need to “get my shit together” once and for all.
How did I live for almost 40 years without tasting brunsviger?! So delicious and so easy to “whip” together!
You see, our little girl turned 2 months yesterday and although it was a crappy day (I didn’t get enough sleep and was cranky as hell, Sam had the runs and so on), I did manage to bake a cake, mostly to ease the pain and take my mind off of things- haha. The fact that I could eat it outside in the sun with a glass of Cremant de Jura helped a lot. In the picture you see the cake before it hit the oven, I didn’t have the patience to wait for it to bake in case the baby should wake up. You’ll have to trust me when I say it looked like a pretty focaccia. ❤
Phew, done with everything (that counts)! From today on I’m officially off duty and I’m enjoying it to the fullest. Outside it’s snowing, I’ve walked Sam and made myself a ham and cheese sandwich, the apartment is warm and the gifts are all wrapped up, the tiny tree is decorated and I’ve even remembered to buy pantyhose for the Christmas dinner. 😉 Haha! (I always forget!) Continue reading →
I’ve always loved a short getaway before Christmas and this year we were so lucky as to be invited to one by F’s work- a spa hotel half an hour away from Oslo. 😉 We left by train on Friday afternoon just after two and returned yesterday after lunch, meanwhile making good use of both the spa areas and the comfy bed with a sea view. 😉
I did try to get out with my camera for a sightseeing round and I did just that for a quick 5 minutes, but as it was raining, I sought refuge inside with a cup of tea. 😉 Continue reading →
I don’t know about you, but I hate November most of all months of the year. It’s dark, rainy and cold. The trees are bare, the leaves turned brown a month ago and all I feel like doing is cancel all plans until May and snuggle up with cocoa and a good book instead. Continue reading →
What is motherhood if not a quest into the unknown? It feels like I’ve been waiting for this my entire life and yet I have no notion of what’s in store for me. I only know that dreams become smaller and little joys bigger.
This is pretty much what Oslo looks like these days, although the trees are no longer green, since this picture was taken sometime in May/June. 😉 But yeah, lots of rain and umbrellas and Chinese tourists. When it’s not sunny, as it was yesterday, and all you feel like is find a little spot of sunshine to enjoy your Darjeeling on. Continue reading →
I’m so not gonna be the kind of mother that worries all the time, I told myself. I’m going to be cool, like I was with the cats and I am with Sam. I’m gonna think that nothing bad could ever happen to my baby, not after all I’ve gone through to get her/him. That’s what I thought. The truth is I’m an anxious person and I’m on max dosage of medicine to be able to deal with that on an everyday basis. I almost have a panic attack if a looney gets on the bus, I hyperventilate if a drunk seats himself next to me, you get the idea. I finally found out why mingling with the wrong crowd drains me of energy- it’s because if there’s no chemistry, anxiety kicks in. Continue reading →
Where did summer go, I wonder. These days I’m looking for my autumn coats to wrap myself in and keep warm on chilly mornings. 😉 I’ve been nauseous for a period and crazy busy on top of that, which is always a horrible combination. But now it seems I can breathe a little more and I’m getting ready for a long weekend in London at the end of September. First and foremost it’s for a school project where I need to follow an interesting person over a couple of days and so I chose my friend Lavinia. Second it’s to get a break from routine and third- it’s my birthday!
life in a bubble 