Distortions of yours truly

A friend of mine read yesterday’s entry and said I should drink more sherry- ahaha! And after rereading it, although I can still stand for everything I wrote, I realized it was a bit me me me- ahaha. And the ones of you who know me well, you know that I might come across as a bit self-centered- again haha. As a friend of mine put it, it’s the anxiety. I sure hope so. ‘Cause God knows it’s not a trait I particularly favor, but I can’t seem to do much about it. For now.

There is a Norwegian saying I like very much- everybody stands closest to themselves. And although it’s not meant in a positive way, I kind of agree. Translated into my writing, you write about the things you know of and about your own feelings. Although I am now a mother and I have another person through whom I can see the world. And I do. Don’t think that I don’t. Although I complain about motherhood incessantly, I am there for her every minute of the day. I do whatever is expected of me and ten times more. It’s just that somehow I end up giving all I’ve got and that’s when I need to write about the dissolution of me.
I’m sitting by the fireplace, in front of my favorite mirror, a blanket on my legs, all that’s missing from this winter tableau is a cat purring on my lap. And I have to admit it, it’s when I catch my breath that I feel overwhelmed by happiness. That I feel fulfilled. But that doesn’t mean I’m not in seventh heaven when my daughter calls for me from the living-room, when I’m busy busy making coffee in the kitchen, mommy’s here, I answer softly while hurrying back to the couch. She’ll take my face into her tiny hands and utter Mamma with such candor, that I swear I’ve never felt love this pure.
It’s just that the days are long and filled with much of the same and there’s so little time for me in all this. I was actually thinking the other day, for the first time in ages all I want from the new year is my f* driver’s license and some me time. Time to have a bath, time to do my nails, time to get bored. What happened to that bit? And be honest, don’t you miss it, too?

Time to go. I need to vacuum some more, wash some clothes by hand (the wool program just gets our clothes filthy instead of clean), bake some rolls and take a nap. We’re going to the doctor’s to examine the blemishes on her chin and then coming home to tomato soup.

PS. F bought a sled and I invited some friends for lunch and sledging on Sunday in order to make sure that I’ll survive the coming 3 days off. What are you up to? Maybe I’ll get some inspiration..

xxx, Alina

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