Ain´t it swell? Not enough that I´m on medication for my major depression, but I´ve contracted a minor one, as well! Haha! I can´t do anything else, but laugh! My psychologist called it a “seasonal affective disorder”, caused by the lack of sun and the cold. It´s not that I hadn´t heard if it or anything, I was just unaware you could have a depression within another depression. Haha! All I feel like doing is sleeping and getting cosy in my pjs. Walking Sam seems an ordeal, so is everything else I´m not bound to do, so unless it´s work, or dinner and drinks, you can´t get me outside the house if you pull me by the hair!;-)
This week has been good to me so far and it´s nearly weekend already! I tried to eat healthy, worked just enough hours, took Sammy for a long walk in the woods on Monday, worked out with my Personal Trainer yesterday and went to bed early. And I started feeling a bit better. Last week´s tension had taken its toll on me and left me without any energy. And exhaustion is just one step away from depression, so I try not to end up there again.
Today I´ve taken it slowly, went for a long walk with Sam, spent some time in bed with coffee and Instagram and now I´m about to start billing for a couple of hours. Later on I´m having lunch with a friend, then work for a couple of hours more and this evening we´re entertaining guests for dinner. 🙂 I´m not sure what to cook, I thought maybe I should give Boeuf bourguignon a try. I have plenty of time to wait for it cook to perfection, the only question is if I feel like going to the Wine Monopoly to buy the wine.
I´ve also started therapy. I´ve been dreading the idea for so long I knew I needed to jump into it or else I´d never do it. It´s very emotionally draining, but it triggers a lot of mental activities that help you focus. I believe everybody holds the cure within oneself, it´s just that when life seems to be too demanding, one cannot sort out one´s priorities any more. Enough about that. It costs a fortune, if one were waiting in the health line, one might as well be dead until it´s finally one´s turn.
Can´t wait for the weekend to come! We´re going to a party on Saturday and to a birthday picnic on Sunday. 🙂 I need to find the perfect dress (in my wardrobe) and get the manicure to go with! Until then, I leave you with some pictures from this week´s activities. I hope you have a great one! xxx, Alina
I wish I had thicker skin. For a couple of days now I´ve been feeling frustrated and wronged at work. It´s like I´m standing outside myself and witness how I let things get to me. It´s ridiculous, I know it is. I drive it off, but it comes back. This should run off me like water on a duck´s back, I tell myself. But it doesn´t.
As I go about my daily duties and chores I often take things personally. I wish I didn´t, but I do. I take racism personally, I have a strong sense of justice and I have a hard time accepting that people don´t like animals. I even feel responsible for the Holocaust although I wasn´t even born at that time. I mean I can argue with myself at a sensible level, but on an emotional level it has no effect whatsoever.
I love my work, I´ve always held a vivid interest in languages and human behavior and my job encompasses both of them. I just wish sometimes I were paid to travel around the world and write about it. And maybe spread some style. haha!;-) I find it hard to work in the summertime or accept the idea that I will not have a 3 months holiday until I get pregnant (if ever!) or retired (depressing). I simply miss my childhood holidays, a whole summer of glorious weather (there´s been a recent study showing it never rained in our childhood, or at least that´s how we choose to remember it), running around, reading a lot of books too advanced for my age (about people hooking up and men having hairy legs- yikes!), discussing the meaning of life with my friend Irina, the only girl in the village my grandparents felt was good enough for me to socialize with. Haha!
As you have probably guessed, our 10 days in Eastern Europe were not enough to calm the holiday fever, especially since the weather has been crappy ever since we returned last week. So we ordered a week in Santorini in August not bearing to think that we won’t get the chance to wear sandals this year! Now I´m back to counting days, something I´m very good at!
Otherwise July is a chill month at work and I´m hoping for half days and some days off, as well. Today we celebrated 9 years of marriage, we had oysters and white wine, pasta and some rosé, too. In August we´ve been together for 11 years and my husband turns 35 so I´m thinking hard of a present worthy of such an occasion. 😉 Any suggestions?
Meanwhile, I´m on a diet (not a very strict one, there´s always room for wine!) and I hope to turn into a diva by the end of the summer, so I can shine in Greece in my Princess Tam Tam bikini. 😉 Enjoy some pictures from Instagram until next time!
My grandma passed away yesterday night, after spending her final days in bed, the last couple of ones speaking with the dead. She would have turned 90 this summer, a long life spent as a matriarch. She was a frail little woman with a heart of gold and she ruled with a hand of steel. Nobody escaped her moral sense and we all felt her wrath at times. Nobody felt such a call to preach God´s word as she did and that made conversation with her often uncomfortable. She would lash out against my mother for using nail polish, always feel the urge to warn me against men and even beat the cats with a stick if they didn´t eat the soup she provided them with. On the other hand she was the most generous person I´ve known. She took in stray dogs and cats, gave money to beggars and made us clean our closets several times a year to give to the poor. But she was as ruthless with her sense of justice as she was funny speaking her dialect from the olden days. Woe to you who cross her!
I had a complicated relationship to my grandma. She brought me and my brother up and was affectionate to us for many years. At the same time she insisted on telling me that she didn´t like girls because they suffer and preferred my brother over me any time of the day. I never got over this fact. In addition to that, her religious convictions estranged me from her, especially when I was the object of her hate for being young and liking to dress like a girl. There was no end to God´s punishment for vanity.
As a 13 year old I moved in with my parents and kept my distance. We had a chilly relationship up until when I met Vuong. I was 23 at the time and the first thing she did was to drag me by my arm and show me all the cloth diapers she´d been saving for my children. I can still remember how touched I was. She loved me anyway.
Up until 5 years ago she´d make pancakes or donuts whenever we visited her and ask us what we wanted to bequeath from her. I chose her china and this New Year´s was the first time I used it. It reminded me of all the joyous Christmases we had in her house…
The last 5 years of her life she was mostly ill and fragile. Her God-fearing only got worse. And I never knew what to say to her. I chose not to go see her a couple of weeks ago when I was home, thinking she´d be there in December, when I´d go home for Christmas. Now I never get the chance to say Good-bye. So this is my Good-bye. Rest in peace, grandma!
I´m getting used to those leisure Mondays, I´m thinking of making them a permanent solution. It´s such a good day to breathe! Fridays are not the same at all, you just feel you´re jumpstarting the weekend. Mondays however are an extension of the weekend, you get to do whatever it was you didn´t have time to during those two days that pass way too fast.
Long story short, my day started in court where I interpreted with a friend of mine for 2,5 hours and, due to a cause unrelated to the interpreters, the proceedings had to be postponed. Meaning coffee with my colleague, waxing and massage! Isn´t it just wonderful when you make a little time for yourself? I don´t have kids, so I don´t know how the others manage through the week, but I get so worked up in my daily life I almost get depressed if I don´t have a little timeout at a beautician´s or in a shop. 😉
I then bough a magazine and came home to enjoy some time with the pets. Beo slept leaning on to me and I planned dinner. Onion stew a la grandma, with chicken and dill. Recipe and picture in my next post! Yummy Mondays!
I´m terrible at enjoying what I have. This living in the present- art, “carpe diem” and “festina lente”, I wasn´t made for that. I´m a product of the coffee latte generation. Always running, always in a hurry. I make plans years in advance and propel myself hotheadedly into the future. If only I get my MA degree, if only we move into a bigger apartment, if only we get a dog.. Then I´ll be happy. Then things will be perfect. For the moment, they need a boost. Maybe you know the reasoning?
The bad thing about it is that I seldom sit down and just enjoy life as it is. Being a virgo I don´t have time to enjoy things, I´m always in between projects. That does not necessarily mean I´m actually doing anything about those projects, but they hinder me in getting other stuff done.
The good thing about it though is that I´m not static. I´m in a constant need for change and for improvement. And that in itself is not so bad. Or what do you reckon?
Right now I have a two years´ plan: 1. a full apartment make-over, 2. hopefully a new family member and 3. a house with a garden. Since number 2 can´t be planned as such, I pretend it´s not that important anyway and I work long hours to achieve nr 1 and 3. Anyone else feeling me?
So I started gathering and buying things for our house, things that we don´t have place for in our current apartment. You probably think it´s half crazy, my husband will agree, but to me it´s just a quicker way of getting there. I could go on and on about the need to have a Gustavian couch, a rococo mirror and an extensible couch for guests. I will show you some pictures of what dreams are made of instead.
life in a bubble 