love

Happiness

Happiness is coffee in bed,
A kiss from your samoyed
And the sun winking at you
From the other side of the window.

Happiness is a rainy day
When you can stay tucked away
From the world
And read a love story.

We all seem to have
Our understanding of happines
And yet it eludes us most of the time-
Chasing for dreams
Bigger than we can carry
Or letting ourselves be sucked dry
By the dementors of the past.

Let go of me, darling
Let go of my soul,
Like I let go of yours,
So we can be happy again.

March, 2016

Looking back

My feet are crippled with blisters,
Blisters full of pus
From all the running I’ve done,
The running around in circles
Thinking that it would skrink the distance
Between two bodies so compatible
And yet so lacking in knowledge,
Knowledge about human connection-
And how it doesn’t happen through touch,
However tender or fiery,
But through looking into each other’s soul.

February 2016

Happy again

Life sure has a way of catching you off guard and surprise the hell out of you. Just when you´ve given it all up and diagnosed yourself as a hopeless misfit, you find yourself happy again. At first it´s such a new emotion you don´t know what to do with it, or with yourself, for that matter. You panic, you cry, you break down. Just in case it needs to be done. Because it´s so beautiful it can´t possibly last. And you know what a hole it will leave in your existence if it doesn´t. But then it´s so good, so patient and so persistent, not asking anything from you that you´re not ready to give, not leaving you waiting, not playing with your feelings, not fucking it all up. So after a while you give in. 😉 And this very feeling is what makes life worth living, I swear!

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Promises of the Flesh

We embrace hastily

Fumbling for words

We can´t say yet

It´s too early for promises

And yet the waiting

Is ripping me apart.

 

We fall into each other

Wanting more

Reaching for a piece of each other´s soul

Like it was tangible

Like you could measure it in words

Or in prayers

Like it wasn´t just a hidden spot

Like it was out in the open

Up for grabs

 

If I kiss you more

Stick my tongue down your throat

Breaking down barriers

Unleashing the torrent of desire

Will you stop for a moment

And look into my eyes?

 

February 2016

Trembling

My flesh is trembling with desire,

I reach out for you

And smile a crooked smile.

 

My  alter ego

Bursts into laughter

She takes her full red lips to my ear

And says “get yourself together,

Pleasure is pain and you know it.”

And then she laughs again

“This will only leave you naked,

As soon as he´s torn down your guard

He´ll step on your soul

With dirty rubber boots.”

 

I answer her defiantly

“No pain, no gain!

I´ll give it all, once again

Like I always do,

I never tire,

It´s how you play this game.

 

Let him have my heart

Rip it all out

If that´s what it takes

I´ll try my hand at it.”

 

February 2016

Encounters

 

To all my fast encounters

With whom I lost a bit of my soul

Trying to squeeze love

From damp wrestlings of the flesh

Telling myself it was the only way

To feel alive, farewell.

 

I was content just listening

To your sorrows

And sucking a bit of your sap

Until I realised you´re green,

You´re as green

As an unripe cherry.

 

February 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strike out

Strike out everything I wrote yesterday,

It´s the meds, it´s the meds!

The nausea, the vertigo and the sweaty palms,

I might just do happy after all.

 

Phew! There´s still hope for a 35 years old neurotic-

I keep telling myself that

One day I might even start believing it.

 

February 2016

Sadness

I´ve been feeling sad today

And I can neither blame it on PMS,

Nor on the feeling of unrequited love.

 

I don´t really know why I´m sad now

Meaning if I´m sad because I´m sad,

Or if I´m sad because I´m happy

And since happy is not a familiar place,

I hurry back to sad

Because I can do sad better.

 

Am I this broken, or is this normal?

Listening to Amy Winehouse-

“At least I´m not drinking”, she sings-

I wish I could drink myself senseless,

So I don´t feel a damn thing

Feeling is overrated,

My depression seems alluring now.

 

February 2016