Although she’s had ten days of growth spurt when she woke up every other hour at night for milk and the heat prevented her from sleeping well during the day to the point where I felt I had nothing more to give, I still have to pinch myself every time I see her face- I’m a mother! The thing that others take for granted has been such a lifelong dream for me and what do you know, I’ve got the “café baby” I’ve always wanted! At least for now. What I meant to say is that she’s usually in a good mood and puts up with all my socializing without complaints.
Hi again! Long time, no see, I hope you’re all doing well! Today I feel like writing, so I’ll grant you my thoughts. 😉
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been in and out of a state of existential anxiety. The one that has to do with my choices in life, my studies and my career. Or the lack of the latter, the arbitrariness of it all, the fact that working as an interpreter is only a way of making money, that it doesn’t lead anywhere. Not that I need a fancy title and an office, but it would be nice to get some acknowledgement. It is an important work and a difficult one, too and the unpredictability of it is both a burden and a blessing. I know I’ve been writing this stuff for the past 6 years, but bear with me. Now it feels different on account of the Corona pandemic and Madeleine. I feel I need to “get my shit together” once and for all.
Yesterday we had some guests over for lunch, secretly hoping that our girls would play together, but instead they napped, and so I made some minestrone soup and these buns to go with. I would have made the garlic buns, but on account of an intolerance I had to be more creative. These babies I found on trines matblogg and we all liked them so much I decided to make them again today. The original version is no knead, but then you have to have them rise overnight, but I added more yeast and baked them the same day.
How did I live for almost 40 years without tasting brunsviger?! So delicious and so easy to “whip” together!
You see, our little girl turned 2 months yesterday and although it was a crappy day (I didn’t get enough sleep and was cranky as hell, Sam had the runs and so on), I did manage to bake a cake, mostly to ease the pain and take my mind off of things- haha. The fact that I could eat it outside in the sun with a glass of Cremant de Jura helped a lot. In the picture you see the cake before it hit the oven, I didn’t have the patience to wait for it to bake in case the baby should wake up. You’ll have to trust me when I say it looked like a pretty focaccia. ❤
These past three weeks have been eventful and strange. Their newness and uncertainty propelled me into one hell of an anxiety carousel. Here I was, heavily pregnant, nesting with a fervor I’d never known before, worried about petty things as the right measure on her bed linen- little did I know she won’t want to sleep in her bed at all- and all of a sudden the world seems to be ending amidst my long awaited happiness.
Just three weeks ago I was busy complaining about pelvic pains and feeling fedd up with being huge and now I had to find new ways of reassuring myself we won’t all die of starvation if the virus doesn’t get to us first.
She came into our world on the 7th of March, she rushed in 8 days before the due date, almost as if she’d known that if she’d linger any longer, her dad wouldn’t be allowed to see the birth and stay with us in the hospital any longer. The first days were hard, I had the chills 4-5 times a day and she wouldn’t nurse, so we eventually had to feed her formula from a small cup (and it’d take hours!) hoping things would improve when the milk came. It didn’t. (But that’s an entirely other story.)
After an extended stay, we could finally leave the hospital (after 7 days!), just in time for the Corona quarantine. That evening F shopped for groceries and there was no more toilet paper, nor tomato sauce, nor pasta or rice. Panic! After that, things went back to a sort of normality, at least when it comes to finding food on the shelves. But the longer it dragged on, the more somber the statistics all over the world, the less we saw of friends and family, one day I wasn’t able to control my anxiety at all. Some days it took the best of me and I could only sit there with a huge black hole inside of me. Other days, when the weather was sunny, we ventured outside and realized the world was still there, humanity had not evaporated and I came back lightheaded as though I’d had a pint or three. Today I decided to get back on medication, after spending all yesterday’s hours when Madeleiene didn’t need me either baking bread, baking a cake, washing clothes, all in order to avoid agonizing.
I’m heading to the pharmacy in an hour’s time, but I already feel better. I don’t read the news any more, I try not to think of how “non-essential” people will pay their rent, I ordered some stuff online and I’m doing my best to use all the ingredients we have in the house in a smart way. Meanwhile, I’m kissing my daughter’s chubby legs and sniffing her scalp. And thinking how I’ll start saving money and making room for a pantry when the times are better.
And here’s the recipe for the cake I baked the other day. I used the stuff we had, like 4 overripe plums and apple juice instead of orange juice.
250 dates ( I had some dates, some dried figs and some dried apricots)
the zest from an orange/lemon
1 tea spoon baking powder
1/2 tea spoon cardamom
1/2 tea spoon cinnamon
200 ml orange juice
150 g brown sugar (I only had white)
(I used 4 plums as well)
Bake the walnuts in the oven on a parchment paper around 15 minutes at 150 degrees C.
Cut the dates (and the other dried fruit plus the plums). Add the walnuts, the orange/lemon zest and one spoon of the flour. Sift the rest of the flour with the baking powder and the spices. Put it aside.
Use a kitchen aid/mixer to “fluff the butter up”. Add the egg and mix them well together. Add the flour, then the orange/apple juice. Then add the walnuts and dates (dried fruit and fruit) into the dough. Pour the dough (it’ll be a bit runny, it’s fine) into a cake form lined with parchment paper and bake at 180 degrees C for 1 h. Sometimes it needs a bit longer, check it with a chopstick. 😉
PS. Go for a walk if allowed in your part of the world, here it’s still ok (but we have to keep the distance). With a newborn I don’t get to do it every day, but when I do, I feel sanity rushing back into my veins. Today I even crossed the street to avoid other humans. But since I had to go to the pharmacy, I ran into people after all.
Stay safe and I hope we’ll all make it to the other side. I know, it sounds like something you hear in Sci-fi movies. 😉
Yesterday I had a crappy day and if I ruined yours, too, with my entry, I apologize. In the end I managed to calm myself down and from shaking with rage I was able to find my camera, make a still life arrangement, take a picture and ease myself into serenity again. The 2 h nap did its trick, too. 😉 Haha! Continue reading
I don’t know about you, but I loathe February. It’s grey, dark, windy, neither real winter, nor spring and on top of that full of storms. At least this year it has been. And it’s only the 11th. This picture is from last year, don’t let it fool you.
Winter never came this year and everybody was so disappointed except for me- haha! One less thing to worry about- falling on ice with a big tummy! And freezing my butt off on top of that…But then it started snowing on Sunday evening and yesterday it was winter wonderland for a couple of hours or so. And so I took Sam out in the woods, disregarding my excruciating pelvis pain, and with my camera on my shoulder on top of that. 😉 It proved to be poor judgement since I fell on the ice the first chance I got. Being the good doggo that he is, Sam jumped on top of me “to save me” and so I ended up in an even worse state than the one I was already in. Laying there on the ground and alternating between “Mother of God” and “Fuck me”, I found myself crying, laughing, moaning and giggling, all at once. Continue reading
This fall I can finally say I’ve been living in Norway for half of my life. Just before turning the big 40, I get to become a mom and it’s a dream come true. I’ve known I wanted to be a mom ever since I was in my teens, but somehow it wasn’t meant to happen until now.
Hi, darlings! How are you? I started my weekend rested, after sleeping in til 10 yesterday. I love waking up without the alarm and feel like I’ve slept through several days, it’s the best feeling! Especially since being as pregnant (read heavy) as I am now, means you need to pee at least 5-6 times a night and use an hour or two to find a comfortable sleeping position. But a good night’s sleep does wonders. Not to your pelvis (unfortunately), but to your capacity to mobilize and do something nice with your day.