Mornings

Oh, how I love mornings! Not the rush, but the silence- you know, when you wake up early-ish and there’s not a sound in the world, except for the clock ticking, and the neighborhood is still at peace (and in complete darkness, because it’s Norway!) and you can almost hear your own breath? I love mornings by myself so much I’m constantly afraid of waking up “the rest of the house”, so I’m tiptoeing around, coffee in hand, smiling to myself: “now this is what I call happiness”. IMG_4630On such a morning I want to cancel all my plans and sit down by a desk and write. Write about things that have been or things that will be, about fears- big or small, about the anxiety of living, of failing, of not fulfilling your potential. These days however I’m in high spirits, I’m getting ready for the big win (or the big failure) and I embrace the person I am more than before. After a couple of rollercoaster weeks caused by the hormonal treatment, when I felt like I was walking around with a constant PMS, I’m starting to come around again- thank God for that, ’cause I couldn’t stand myself anymore! But the thing I love and fear the most is that all the doubt is gone, I’m so ready, I’ve never been so ready, my whole being is ready to be a mom, but what if I don’t succeed, I can’t for the life of me imagine the disappointment, the despair..

I only wanted to write down a couple of thoughts, I’m not good at keeping things to myself, in fact, I don’t really see the value of stocking things up all the time, the way we’re supposed to. If I share it, I let go of it…

I wish you a lovely day, I’m off to the hospital to see how far I’ve progressed since last week.

xxx, Alina

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