At night, words are bubbling up from the depths of my conscience and they won’t let me sleep. I could write a whole novel in one breath, yet I feel paralyzed by the fear that I’ll lose “a good night’s sleep” and ruin my next day, so I keep struggling, one foot out of the duvet at a time, stretching my muscles, I’m so tense one would think I was carrying rocks on my back all day long, not interpreting.
We´re going on a 10 days´ holiday tomorrow and although we know our baby will be in the best of hands, our heart is bleeding for him already. 😉 haha! I know he´s always in my blog entries, but today I felt I should dedicate him an entire story, since he´s brought so much joy into our lives. This picture is from today, he “tried” on a cap in the store where his pops works part time. Don´t you just love him?!!
I had a great day today up until I read about the gunfire attack at the Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris. It did something to me. I would assume it did something to most of us, but I´m the anxious type, remember? It simply shattered some safe walls inside me. I realized how I take most things for granted. How I just expect to be living until my 90 years´ birthday and live through it all. Don´t worry, I´m not going to say I felt happy to be alive and that from today on I´ll be living every second as if it were my last one, because what I enjoy most is normality. That things stay the same. That people don´t die. That I can count on them being there next year, too. It´s not the scare for tomorrow that makes today more worth living, not for me, at least. It´s the continuity of things.
Back to our subject. I´ve never been particularly brave, but I´m quite outspoken, so I´ve had my share of pointing fingers. It never ceases to amaze me how horrible people can be, though. The world we live in today is just as crazy as a 100 years ago. Things just carry different names. I can´t wrap my head around what people must be thinking when they decide to take other people´s lives in the name of God. I don´t believe in any God myself, but if there were a God he couldn´t be that deranged.
Stay safe!
xxx, Alina
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