Hey, peeps! Feeling a bit inspired today, so I’m writing down what’s been on my mind lately. I hope you’re enjoying your summer! (This is me in 2007, in Ireland, at my friend Anna’s wedding)I’m in a good place right now. Not like today, but from mid-August I’ll be done with both debt and loans, money worries and airbnb and the urban gipsy living. It’s been a blast! (NOT!)
Also I’m getting older and I don’t mind it that much, especially since I was never particularly happy when young. Always worrying (now I know it was anxiety), always unsatisfied with the way I looked, never slim enough, never fun enough, never cool enough (aka depression).
But now I’m ok with me being me and only trying to change what I can in order to find inner peace. I’ve got braces and my teeth will be straight by the end of 2018, I’m starting yoga again from the fall, I’m walking a couple of hours every day the week I have Sam, I cut down on shopping to a minimum (although I still like pretty stuff and a bit of everyday luxury), I only hang out with the people that give me energy and not drain me of it.
But it’s also a bit scary, this getting old, the “lack of purpose in my life”, the not knowing whether I want a baby or not, and if not if it’s because of the biological clock stopped ticking or if it was never meant to be. I find the everyday routine exhausting and a bit depressing at times and to be honest I cannot imagine fitting kindergarten and tantrums in it and still beholding my will to live.
On another order of things, I discovered some stains on my face, a friend of mine thinks it’s sun damage, but I’m afraid they might be age related and I hate them so much! I sometimes cry unconsolably and disintegrate in this fear of waking up one day to see another person in the mirror.
More about that in another post.