Hey, peeps! Feeling a bit inspired today, so I’m writing down what’s been on my mind lately. I hope you’re enjoying your summer! (This is me in 2007, in Ireland, at my friend Anna’s wedding)I’m in a good place right now. Not like today, but from mid-August I’ll be done with both debt and loans, money worries and airbnb and the urban gipsy living. It’s been a blast! (NOT!)
Also I’m getting older and I don’t mind it that much, especially since I was never particularly happy when young. Always worrying (now I know it was anxiety), always unsatisfied with the way I looked, never slim enough, never fun enough, never cool enough (aka depression).
But now I’m ok with me being me and only trying to change what I can in order to find inner peace. I’ve got braces and my teeth will be straight by the end of 2018, I’m starting yoga again from the fall, I’m walking a couple of hours every day the week I have Sam, I cut down on shopping to a minimum (although I still like pretty stuff and a bit of everyday luxury), I only hang out with the people that give me energy and not drain me of it.
But it’s also a bit scary, this getting old, the “lack of purpose in my life”, the not knowing whether I want a baby or not, and if not if it’s because of the biological clock stopped ticking or if it was never meant to be. I find the everyday routine exhausting and a bit depressing at times and to be honest I cannot imagine fitting kindergarten and tantrums in it and still beholding my will to live.
On another order of things, I discovered some stains on my face, a friend of mine thinks it’s sun damage, but I’m afraid they might be age related and I hate them so much! I sometimes cry unconsolably and disintegrate in this fear of waking up one day to see another person in the mirror.
More about that in another post.
2 thoughts on “On getting older”
Don’t worry too much about not having babies, some things should stau as they are.
As for the stains on the face, I’m sure they are caused by the sun and not the age…I also have a lot of them, but at least I know they are from the places I’ve seen and enjoyed.
Your honesty is what makes your writing so beautiful. Never change that. I have very similar fears – if that helps. 🙂