Almost February

This year hit me with a pang! Three weeks in Bergen, at a trial I knew about, but to which I that I hadn’t received any confirmation that I had been appointed. Well, ok, leave everything else, pack your bags, squeeze your fists and hope for the best! Tomorrow is the last day, they say. Phew!IMG_5710.JPGI’ve been binge watching Das Boot, True American Crime and True Detective, meeting up with my friends and waiting. My mind has been racing back and forth and my body hasn’t felt like my own. Still the good news was no good news (yet) and so I’m back to drinking cremant, for a little while longer. The realization was hard on me, I woke up with a crick in the neck that I’ve still not recovered from, the body’s way of redirecting pain from the soul to the body. You know, like you read about self mutilation- efface one pain with another. But enough about that, I’m not depressed, I’m not even that sad, I’m more empty. I came to think how lucky I am to be this shallow, cheers for that, but I know it’s just a disguise, that the pain is real and it’ll come hitting me like a hurricane one day when I think it long gone.

But for now it’s fine. I’m not that old. My life has a meaning and a purpose regardless of whether I have a child or not. I can travel, I can read, I can try my hand at those stupid eclairs again- I ruined 16 of them this weekend, but I’m not throwing in the towel yet- haha! Next Tuesday I’m starting the photography course, I can’t wait! 😉 I’m hoping I’ll be the good student I used to be in academic courses and not the hopeless that I am in anything that has to do with technology (I can’t even figure out how to change the camera settings yet!) Haha!

Back home, I slide into my usual patterns, walking Sammy, meeting friends- I’ve been horrible at this part and I’m sorry!-, cooking dinner. I’m reading some short stories by Jeffrey Eugenides and they got me laughing and thinking about what a fantastic reader of the human mind he is! Just lovely! I strongly recommend him- the book is called Fresh Complaint.

I want to have a bigger space, an old table and more light since what brings me most joy in my day to day life is being able to take a good picture of the food I make. Still trying to figure out where we want to live and what kind of life we want to build around our nest.

That’s all for now. No particular wise words, neither big complaints. Just life getting in the way.

xxx, Alina

 

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