Feeling a bit down

I feel like watching Spirited Away in bed, with a giant ice-cream bucket in my lap and Beo by my side. I´ve just turned 36 and, although I had a lovely birthday- flowers and champagne included- it was also tearful, with a touch of bitterness. I sat down for the first time with my soon to be ex-husband and we had a glass of wine, talking about old stuff and new stuff, like each other´s significant other, and it was so good and so absurd, it could have been a scene in one of these modern dramas.

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Meanwhile, I´m hanging on to familiar things, biting my teeth into this apartment I love, I don´t want to let go of everything that makes me feel safe. I might have to sell and it breaks my heart. I wasn´t made for changes and I wasn´t made to take anything too lightly, I get that now.

Work is slow and I´m as short-tempered as ever, people get on my nerves and I don´t even find my peace when I sleep. Thankfully, next week is better and in December I´m already booked for a couple of days in Stavanger, so I get to travel a bit.

My airbnb project is slow, since I haven´t got a bed or painted the room, yet, but I´m getting there. Can´t wait to take some pictures of the place.

Now I need some sleep. It´s hard being me these days, I keep thinking about the time frame for having kids on top of everything and it makes me so bitter, I don´t have words for it.

xxx, Alina

 

 

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